Life In The Akatsuki
by Kakashiz
Summary: What the Akatsuki are like inside. Homey family-ish humor. One-shot.


Life In The Akatsuki

It was quiet in the Akatsuki house. There were no sounds except the chirping of birds and the sound of food being fried.

Konan hummed to herself as she prepared lunch for the rest of the Akatsuki. There were off for a mission, and were due to arrive any moment. Soon, chaos would erupt in the now peaceful and calm Akatsuki base.

Konan smiled to herself. Sometimes, the S-class criminals were not as dangerous and evil as people thought. Her 'family' was proof of that.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and a panting sharkman dashed into the bathroom like his life depended on it.

What was it this time?

A few moments later, an extremely flustered Deidara shot through the door and bee lined for the bathroom. Finding the door closed and locked, he banged on it.

"Kisame!" he howled. "Get your ass outta the bath! You promised me you would let me bath first!"

Kisame chuckled. "Not my fault you're a slowpoke," he taunted. "Ah, it's so relaxing to soak in the water."

"If you wanna soak I'll get you a fish tank!" yelled Deidara, resuming his pounding on the door. "You take a hell of a long time to get done! Now get out!"

"No."

"If you don't get out in five seconds I'm blowing this door off its hinges," threatened Deidara. 'One, two….."

"Now, now, boys," said Konan soothingly, placing the food on the table. The rest of the Akatsuki began filing in. "Isn't there another way we can settle this?"

"No there is no other way!" howled Deidara. "He promised!"

"What a racket," muttered Itachi, making his way to his quarters. The banging stopped. Deidara, apparently, had given up pounding. "You'll get it bad after lunch," he mumbled, silently vowing to blow up his bed later.

"Hey sweetheart," called the Akatsuki leader who swept up the blue-haired woman into his arms for a kiss. "How're you doing?"

"Fine," replied Konan as Kakuzu and Sasori made retching noises. "Lunch is served!" she announced, gesturing to the table. Everyone dug in, with the exception of Kisame who was hurriedly putting on his clothes.

"Konan's eggs are the best!" praised Zetsu who was stuffing his face. "Yeah!" agreed Tobi. "Tobi loves Konan's food!"

The food had disappeared in a matter of minutes. _What a hungry pack_, thought Konan as she gathered up the plates.

"Now who'd be a dear and help me with the dishes?" she asked. Immediately, Tobi leapt up.

"Tobi will! Tobi is a good boy!"

Kakuzu and Sasori were already fighting for the remote. "I got it first!" yelled Sasori. "No you didn't!" yelled Kakuzu. "I did!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

As the duo wrestled and rolled about on the floor, Itachi swept by and grabbed the remote. "Finders, keepers," he said coolly as the now tangled pair glared at him.

Crunch. Bang. "Yeowch!" yelled Pein, clutching his foot in pain. "Deidara!" he bellowed. "I told you not to leave your bombs around!

"Not my fault you didn't look where you were going!" Deidara yelled back.

"Will you guys shut up!" yelled Hidan from his room. "How am I supposed to pray in all this noise?

All in all, chaos.

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Mornings were rather eventful, too, at least to Konan. She got up before everyone else to do household chores and prepare breakfast. All the time she kept her ears pricked for any sign of the amusing noise that could give her giggling fits almost every time.

A very loud snore erupted from Kisame's bedroom. It was followed by a snort, a grunt and a groan as he turned over in bed.

Two doors down, Kakuzu was mumbling something. The doors weren't exactly soundproof, and favoring a giggle at his expense, Konan crept closer.

"Sasori…..puppets…..sell…money…."

Konan shook her head. Still as money-loving as ever.

"Thank you Janshin-sama!" yelled the voice of Hidan, who was apparently having a dream. "Thank you!"

An irritated Itachi slunk out of his room and disappeared into Hidan's, completely ignoring Konan. She heard a muffled thump two seconds later. A sleepy Hidan returned the hit, and the pillow fight was officially started.

BANG! "GYAAH!" Smoke seeped out from beneath Deidara's door. "Damn those misplaced bombs!"

Someone else was having a dream. "NO! KEEP THAT AWAY FROM ME!"

Zetsu burst out from his room and nearly crashed into Konan. Whimpering, he wailed: "They were gonna get me with weed-killers!"

"SHUT UP!" bellowed Pein. A head wearing a nightcap poked out from behind a door. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"

Konan smiled and shook her head ruefully. What the other ninja would say if they knew what the Akatsuki were like.

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A/N:

Lol, what do you guys think? I was inspired by some fan made comics portraying a family based Akatsuki and I thougt I'd try it out. Reviews would be great.

Naruto does not belong to me.


End file.
